The Shadows: Desertion

These poems are from a poetry workshop we had at our church. They are based on the Seven Shadows of the Cross: Betrayal, Desertion, Unshared Vigil, Accusation, Crucifixion, Death, Burial. 

DESERTION

Pressure

It closes in on me

Everything around me squeezes me

The expectations, the demands, the failures

They pile onto me in a relentless cascade 

I can’t keep standing beneath the torrent

I bend and collapse

Still the weight increases

Tension

My jaws clamp shut

Beyond what is tenable, my teeth grind together

My muscles contract more and more

I am coiled tightly and the crank continues to turn

I live on a hair trigger

My skin is inside out, all nerves and twitches

Still the clamp tightens

Heat

I am on fire

My face is scarlet

My chest itches with inflammation 

My heart pounds, resonating in my ears

Flames cover my body, scorching away any remaining resolve

All the remains is the volatile core

Still the temperature rises.

Inevitable

I am a ticking time bomb

I am unstable and dangerous

It won’t take much to set me off

We have crossed the point of no return

All that remains is the destruction

The fuse just needs lit

It is only a matter of time

Spark

It comes from the most unassuming of places

From someone so precious they should be safe

They don’t deserve what happens next

My response is completely out of scale

But this was all set in motion long ago

My daughter is the just the unfortunate catalyst

The chain reaction has begun

Explosion

My hot rage spills forth

Angry cutting vicious words spill from my mouth

Months of pent up emotion burst through their walls 

I am spewing burning damaging flames

Nobody and nothing is safe from the torrent

The volcano erupts with concussive force

Still the fire burns

So I run

I storm out and flee the scene

I place distance between myself and the epicenter of the blast

I leave my victims as I seek to quench the heat within

Angry steps push me further and further away

The remaining molten magma is left on the street

Caverns open within me 

Gaping wounds that are now filled with

Guilt

My shell is filled with something far worse than before

Like an imploding star, I collapse upon myself

I have deserted my family

I took away their protection and safety

I scorched them and left them to burn

I failed them and abandoned them

I need to make things right

Despair

My return to the blast brings grief

The victims have left the scene

They limped away, seeking a safe place to triage their wounds

The danger was too great to remain

To protect themselves, they had to escape

I am now the danger they must avoid

My instability has cost me everything

Alone